Julie.

Now I will tell everyone about Julie!

Since I have left Orlando, Julie and I have been talking every day and getting closer. At first, that was bizarre because we weren't hanging out and dating, we got closer through the distance. One of the themes of our relationship, and a difficult one. I started to see how much I loved  talking to her, and invited her to come and visit with Sarah (Howell, not my sister) in September. That was great because we learned that we loved spending time with another on top of talking to each other and thinking about each other. We had a great weekend! We continued to communicate well and be honest and open about what was going on between us. We missed each other, struggled with the distance, and just wanted to see each other again. I went home about a month later, and even though I was spread pretty thin, we got to spend time together and that was just great. She came up to visit by herself last weekend, which totally meant a lot to me. She does not typically do things like that, so I knew it was big for her and it makes me feel great that she did that. We had a fantastic weekend, it was so perfect. Now, I am headed back to Florida next weekend to visit my sister Sarah in Gainesville and she is coming! Then when I am done with the semester, we will really spend some consistent time with one another and that excites me more than anything! I am looking forward to that and not having our time together be short and sporadic. 

We know that it is a big deal to try to make a long distance relationship work, we are not naive to that. We struggle. It is very hard, but we know it's worth it. She is one of my biggest supporters, which is not easy since she misses me so much. She helps me balance out my stress of school, and always lifts up my spirits just by being there for me to talk to, miss, and think about. I turn to God for encouragement and preparation and that is fed by Julie's encouragement. She vitalizes my faith as we pursue our relationship, care for one another, and are hopeful and excited for the future. 

Topsy-Turvey

This first month of Seminary had been up and down (topsy-turvey). At times I feel prepared, on top of my studies, faithful, motivated, passionate, and engaged in my classes. I choose these words carefully because there are times where I feel their exact opposites. As hectic as this may seem to me, this precedes growth and maturation for me. I know I am being stretched in ways that I need to be while I am here. With one month left of classes, I finally feel at home at Candler. I am doing well in my classes, and that is encouraging. The balance between growth and comfort has been difficult for me, however. It’s easy and common for me to get overwhelmed, work through it, and then feel like I am doing well.

I chose Interpretation of Scripture,which focuses on the Biblical Languages, as a concentration while I am at Candler. I did this because I know I have an interest in Greek and Hebrew as they pertain to the understanding the Bible. This is necessary for me as I study the Bible, to understand where it came from. I am really excited about this, because I will have a focus in my studies. I will be taking languages as my electives as I move through m education in Seminary. God provided this direction, and I know I want to own it.

While feeling more at home here, I do miss being home a ton. It’s comfortable there. I had a few days back in Florida in October, but I was spread thin because of things I had to take care of, so I am really looking forward to the two weeks in December I get to spend back home.

I also apologize for saying I would keep up with writing and not doing that. It’s important to me to keep in touch, and I have not made that a priority. It’s easy to say I have been extremely busy, but I do have time to keep up with this if I really wanted to.

All in all, I am doing well here. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is all worth it and I know I'm in the right place. I know I have all the support in the world, and that drives me to do well here. I am looking forward to this last month here before I go home, and it will go by fast!

Mystery

President of Emory James Wagner said yesterday, to a slew of new students, many of them being first years at Candler, something that sparked my mind and interest. He gave a very candid speech to the students and faculty members about, generally, what the University stands for in the realm of thinking and learning. Among this topic he mentioned this notion that in a field of study there are three categories of information for the ones studying: the known, the unknown, and the unknowable. His perspective of this "unknowable" information really stood out to me, because he approached it with mystery. To pursue the mysteries that are out there is a journey of discovery and knowledge, even if the mystery is never solved or known. This pursuit will amount to knowledge and empowerment. He encouraged us to take on this concept and not shy away from the unknowable, or the unknown for that matter. 

I can't help but think of what Andy Lowry says to me, that my "ministry won't be one of knowledge, but of experience". I know that this idea will follow me around, because it just hits home with me.

These two concepts obviously relate to me. They both take the pressure off of knowledge for me, but emphasizes it also. Knowledge is a tool for the way I will do ministry, it has a purpose beyond itself. It is not the point, but I do need it, and will pursue all that I can.

Obviously "knowledge" is a broad word. I don't want to know everything, that's exhausting and unnecessary. I want to know who God is, I want to know the Bible inside out, and I want to know how to love people like Jesus did. These are all impossible (in some ways also, "unknowable"), but the pursuit of these is the reason I am here. My continued findings of this reason means a lot to me, because it also empowers and enables me. No matter how far fetched these seem, the pursuit of them is my ministry. 


Colossians 2:2-3

"My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." 

Comfort

The idea of comfort and being comfortable has been a touchy issue for me, so I thought I would pick apart my thoughts and go to scripture on the topic.

Comfort is a catch-22 for me, and I think it's supposed to be. On one hand, it is perfectly fine to be comfortable in an area. Who can accomplish anything if they feel tension, unfamiliarity, or believe that the place they are is just not right for them? It's good to feel comfortable in a situation, to be confident in being able to handle something. It is necessary to be comfortable when you are in a position to serve others, or else your service might not be genuine. Comfort is a good thing. It enables, empowers, and can even affirms the place you are in.

On the flip side, one should not seek comfort. There are WAY bigger things for you to run after than comfort. Without the knowledge of it, I think we would be a lot more willing to seek the things that God has for us, to be more risky. How many times have you/I NOT done something (go somewhere, talk to someone, try something new, etc.) because it was simply too far out of your/my comfort zones? These are the very things that God could have for us. They are opportunities that we pass up, moments that slip away.

The good thing is, God does not give up on us. He will continue to give you opportunities to accomplish His will and lead the life He has in mind for you. We just can't get into such a deep habit of passing them up. This is not to encourage you to disregard your comfort, just don't seek it. Understand it, because God does too. Don't do something just because it's out of your comfort zone, because there is a reason for your comfort. It's nature to have one.  

Comfort is not your God, and it is not worthy to be sought after.

Comfort is something that God gives you when you need it. Comfort is not the point, however. There is a quite famous depiction of this concept in Scripture. The story of when Jesus, who was going to the leader of the synagogue's house to bring his daughter back to life, was touched on the fringe of his cloak by a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years, so that she may be healed. The story comes from Matthew 9 (as well as Mark 10 and Luke 8).

Check out verse 22 (KJV):

"and when he saw her, he said, 'Daughter, be of good comfort (be encouraged-NLT); thy faith hath made thee whole.' And the woman was made whole from that hour."

This is remarkable. First of all, Jesus was going to do go bring a girl back from the dead; he was pretty busy. But he felt and noticed the woman. He does the same for us now, he sees and feels us when we reach out to him. Moreover, this woman did seek comfort, she sought Jesus. She merely brisked the fringe of his robe, and she was made whole because of her faith! She did what she could to have an encounter with Jesus, however "small" it would be. And then Jesus brought her comfort, as a product of her faith and need.  The woman sought to be "healed" (verse 21), not merely comforted.

If you are comfortable, ask yourself: Did I receive this from God, or did I get it from going after it? Ask God about it, he'll tell you.


Comfort should be something that is accepted, not sought after.

Encouragement is of the essence

This weekend (Thursday-Sunday) I went back home to Orlando (I know, I know, very soon after I moved) to get the rest of my things (desk, and other miscellaneous stuff that I was bound to forget, ((sorry for all the parentheses))), attend the Kris Wise- Sarah Robles wedding, have a meeting as part of my candidacy process with the Staff Parish Relations Committee at St. Luke's, and say goodbye again to my friends.

It is actually a relief to have everything I need for my room and apartment, so getting the things I left behind was good!

The wedding was unlike any other I had ever been to, I am very pleased with how it went and it seemed like the families really understood how a wedding should go. It was very special, and Christ was definitely at the center of the ceremony, and that was a blessing. It was fun, delicious (Asian food and two cakes!), and just very special. I was thankful to attend and witness such a beautiful night for them and be their with my friends.

Seeing friends and saying goodbye again was definitely bittersweet, but I was thankful for it. I am very excited to keep in touch and still be a part of my friends' lives and having them be a part of mine. That is important to me. It is a way I want to grow, to be able to let these friendships live out, even if distance and not spending time in person with them makes it difficult. I got to celebrate another friend leaving Florida, Shannon McDonald, to go teach in Korea.  We had Asian food and played "Just Dance", and it was a fun night to send her off and say goodbye to her! It is very encouraging to see others in my circle of friends leave to fulfill God's call and feel in the same boat as them. I have friends from Orlando going to Ireland, Korea and seminary like me, and I look to them and what they are doing for encouragement and as examples of following Jesus.

I realize now, again, how important the encouragement and support I receive, both authoritative from my local church, specifically, and relationally from my friends and family, is to me. It feeds me and builds me up. Without it, I don't think I could be strong enough to do anything I am doing. It is key to my journey, and I do believe that God intends it to be that way. It is easy to think that because I need that so much, that it's a sign of weakness, but it just isn't.

Just a thought...

People specialize in over thinking things and not going for what they really desire for their lives, and thinking that they can't fulfill the things that burn inside of them. We tell ourselves all the time that things are not possible. I don't know about most people, but I am not settling for what I think is merely possible, I want to go for the things that are in my heart. I want to strive for what God has for me, and not feel limited to what I think is possible or impossible.

Prove it

For really the first extended period of time, I am really starting to be a tad worried about my academic career entering into classes at Candler. There is so much out there for me to learn and study, and experience, but I'm going to have to work  harder than I ever to obtain all of it. I have never considered myself as an excellent student. I'm going to need to convince myself that I am able to do what it takes to obtain what is there for me to understand, learn, and experience during my time here at Candler. I believe God will carry me, but I don't really understand yet how I am going to be able to do it all. I want that to be a process of doing what it takes academically, not only spiritually, to excel  academically here.

A little insecurity, but I am ready to prove it to myself.

This is Big

I have finally moved to Atlanta into my apartment with Harrison, so the past few days have been really hectic. Between unpacking, shopping for apartment stuff, setting up our utilities, more shopping, setting up my room, and getting use to being here, it's all been quite overwhelming and quite different for me. I have lived in Orlando my whole life, so this is peculiar and unusual.

My last few weeks in Orlando were great. Hanging out with my friends meant just a little bit more. I definitely used my friends as fuel to enthusiastically move on to my move from their support and love for me. They helped me pack, threw me a party, and really showed me how much they care for me. I am starting to miss my friends back home already, but I'm allowed to do that. It's part of moving, and part of affirming people's role in my life and importance to me. I look forward to keeping in touch and having long-distance friendships with the friends that God desires that from. I am eager to see how God works through long-distance. Most of my friendships, I know, will take a lot of effort, not only an endorsement from God.


So far I have seen my area of town, Decatur, pretty well for being here for only 3 days. We went to a pub called Twain's our first night and another, Brick Store last night. Both are in downtown Decatur and brew their own beer. I shopped underground at a Target, and saw Atlanta's Ikea while we picked up a few things there.


Mostly, I am excited to be following through with what I know God has set me out to do. I just know He has extraordinary plans for what I'm going to learn, see, do, and who I'm going to become. I'm taking this one day at a time, trying to see my next best right step, and to be faithful. Not as easy as it sounds, but worth it among all the change. Change is my focus word in scripture right now. I want to see how God has worked among it, caused it, used it.

Philippians 1:6

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."


Being here, doing this, is allowing God to continue His work in me. That is very grand, but I need to focus on my daily pursuit. I'm not content with having a vision of what God will do, but what He is and wants to do RIGHT NOW.

Here are my contacts that I would love for you to use:

 Skype: jaladd119

Address:

3131 N Druid Hills Rd Apt #3109
Decatur, GA 30033

That's Wild

I am reading "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge, and, so far, it has been really good for me. It teaches me that the things I feel and know in my heart, as a man, are specific for me, yet true for every man. I embody characteristics of my Maker in my heart as I am created "in his image". That does a lot for my confidence and realization that my need for adventure, among other things that God has put into my heart, need not be suppressed, and when they are, the desires in my heart, the characteristics of my heart that God has given me, are not used to give me life. This book also teaches me that when I am wounded, hurt in some way, shape, or form, I should not feel surprised and unequipped, because this is a world at war, that is our battle. Soldiers are not surprised when they are attacked because they are at war, and that is the same reality we live in. Men have an important role inside of this reality, and those who use that innate desire to fight and live in adventure are in the minority nowadays.

I recently got to spend Easter with my whole family, even my sisters and their husbands included. It was SO great to have everyone together again. Kate also got to come, and that was really great. We are dating now for about a month, and we have both spent some time with our families together. I am just really thankful for everything that God is doing in our relationship, it is such a blessing. I am actually going to spend time with her and her family tonight, so YAY.

Here is a picture of me, Kate, then Devon and Drew from top to bottom, playing Bocce Ball in the yard. It's taken from the attic office above the garage at my folks' house (thanks Mom!)

Leaving here in 3 months is also starting to sink in. CFL Wesley's year ended, people are telling me they'll miss me, I am looking at places in Atlanta, and I am dealing with it in the only way I know--to rely on God and to be a little sad. I am truly, really excited, but not about leaving, about looking forward to this next step in my life.

God continues to humble me, build confidence in me, provide for me, and to prepare me for what is to come. He is also not in Atlanta, He is here with me guiding me there while molding me every day.

I look forward to...

Today, I had my first one-on-one meeting with my District Superintendent Wayne Wiatt, with whom I will be working very closely with in the Candidacy process and along my journey of pursuing what God wants for me. I really liked two of the questions he asked me:

-What is your biggest anticipation?

-What is your biggest anxiety, fear, or worry?


These seam very simple, and they are. But they did require some deep, instant reflection on my part. That's why I liked them. They were thought provoking, but one of those "tell me what comes to your mind" sort of queries.

To the first question, I answered that God would show me unsearchable things. My journey will be one of experience, not knowledge or works. My biggest excitement is to see what God does. It is so awe-striking that God would use me to advance His kingdom, so that is why I am so excited about that. I am going to get to see what God does, and be used.

The second one was tougher to answer. It was very personal. My biggest worry and fear is that I will fail and miss out what God has for me. God will not miss his opportunities if I falter, but He wants to use me so that I can be changed and be a part of what He does. He desires that for everyone. My fear is that I will make mistakes that hinder my experience and my relationship with Him. I am not afraid of failure, but missing out on what God has for me.

In other news, I also got to spend the afternoon with my dad and brother, and that was so great. We went to a Braves game, and it was nice to spend time with them, it feels like it had been so long.

I meant to take pictures, whoops. Maybe next time.

Funk-y

This week is "Spring Break" (I put that in quotations because since I am not in school, I am not very much affected by it, I just don't have Wesley stuff this week) and I am finding myself in quite the lull. I say that because I find myself being lazy and apathetic, which is a dangerous place to be. I want this to change, because I do not want this attitude to spread towards other parts of my life. I want to nip this in the bud, but still seek to be rejuvenated. I think that that is important every now and again. I will not be too busy this week, just going to work, which is good.

I have applied for the Sherman Scholarship at Candler, and sent in my FASFA, so I am also eagerly awaiting those to be looked at and decisions to be made by Emory. I have a meeting with the District Superintendent, Wayne Wiatt, on Tuesday, then I will be going to a baseball game with my dad after that. I am really excited for Tuesday! For now though, I need to work my way outta this funk.

It's been a while, so a lot has happened.

It has taken me almost an entire month to get back here and document the happenings of my life, but that doesn't mean that my life has been in anyway boring or not worth writing about. I have been accepted to Candler School of Theology at Emory University in Atlanta, GA. I am going there on March 24-25 for a tour and attending the school in the fall. Such a blessing. I am also still in my candidacy process for ordination. The application process for the Sherman Scholarship for Candler and the candidacy process overlap a little bit while the district superintendent is involved in both. My application, with an essay, is due this Tuesday so I am working on explaining my call again, which is always fun to do. I have a meeting with the DS next Tuesday (the 8th). I also got my UCF diploma =)

 Here is a picture of CFL Wesley, they deserve to be somewhere in this blog

My UCF Diploma

My acceptance letter to Candler =)

God is also continuing to humble my heart, even though that is sometimes painful. All of that is God's faithfulness to me, though. That humbles me every time, that God is faithful to me. I don't have anything else really specific, this is more of a catch-up blog, so sorry!

I am continuing to pursue God in each and every way possible, and it is so satisfying; so hopeful.

Victory/Redemption

Upon my last post, I have really been focusing on the current state of my pride. It is, for the first time, diminishing. That has been my focus over the last week, and God has redeemed it. Once it happened, I starting praying and focusing on the next thing to fix in my life and my character. Thank goodness for the voices in my life, because they really directed me towards not doing that. Harrison encouraged me to take victory over it, and Andy explained that I can't "Go looking for demons". I learned that I really didn't want my pride to leave, because I felt it was my direct connection with needing God's redemption in my life. I didn't really want to give it up, and that's why it lingered, along with me trying to redeem it myself. Right now, I feel as humble as I have ever been, and that's just the beginning. Where humility begins is also where accepting God's hand in my life does. I know pride will come back and disguise itself, but I need to look at as a thorn, not a connection to needing God. I need God, I don't need my faults to be emphasized to need Him. I just do.

On another note, I had my birthday party last Saturday. It was amazing. Almost all of my friends made it, and it was just such a blessing to have everyone here. Really appreciate them. My house was pretty much packed, we debuted our new beer, ate dinner, cake, played games, and just enjoyed each other.
Here is my living room during it:

I also spent my first afternoon last Monday at Valencia Community College passing out popsicles and answering questions about Wesley if people asked. Sarah ended up having two deep conversations with students, and one ended up coming to Wesley the next day. It was no ordinary Tuesday, as we spend the whole time in prayer for each other. So powerful, and an example of simply following the Spirit to meet the needs of the people there. We ended up getting kicked off of campus because we didn't ask permission or become a Registered Student Organization at VCC yet, and I didn't mind. Sorta rebelish. God is going to a lot there, and we know that.

Yesterday I went to Universal/IOA with Aubrey, Sarah H.,Bobby, Dave, Kyle D., Kate Walter, Kate Allen and Chris Clubbs. It was honestly the best day I have ever had there. Saying a lot, since I have been a handful of times recently. The value of having friends, old and new, impact your life the way they have mine is quite the blessing, and I truly need it.

Here is a picture of us at Bubba Gump's after a long day of playing, sans Kyle:

Randomness/Humilty

Humility is always on my mind. It has been for the last 2 years, since God revealed it to me as a major issue in my life. I frequently catch myself with an underlying motivation to be seen as someone who gives good advice, is Godly, is a great friend, etc, for the wrong reasons. I want to be elevated among my peers and among my mentors, and that is not good. I have been "working" on this for the last 2 years or so. It is only now that I have seen a vast, incredible improvement in this area. Not because I have "worked" on it, but because God has redeemed it. I think I have become a better brother, son, friend, and follower of Jesus, because I follow Jesus so much closer. God has shown me that walking with Him naturally humbles me, and that is why my pride is diminishing. I see what God is doing; I know God better, by walking closer to Him. Not because I improved for Him, but because I am following Him. It is so humbling to know that God does not want me to try and be better, He wants me to be faithful. Everything else will follow suit. Sometimes this seems elementary, but I just can't afford to forget it or diminish the value of this happening in my life right now.

Also, me and some friends, Brandon, Shannon, Jordan, Alyssa, and Nathan, and Aubrey's friend Ben, went to Aubrey's grandparents condo in New Smyrna this Sunday-Monday since they had it off of school. We got to Publix and got food for dinner and dessert--salmon, mashed potatoes, green beans, broccoli, bread, and stuff to make banana pudding--and dinner was so good. Pretty much the best meal I have ever had cooked by college students. We went to the jacuzzi, watched "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World" and "Monsters, Inc.", went to Breakers, and walked on the beach. It was such a random 24-hr vacation and I was very appreciative of it, and I had so much fun with them.

God is just letting me enjoy my time here, I feel. This was another episode of that. I am so thankful that He wants me to remember this time, and He is giving me so much reason to.

View from the balcony--14th story up

Some of us pigging out on Banana Pudding. We had to eat it before we left. There was sooo much.

Also, I am 23 now. Yay! I was really happy to have dinner with my parents tonight. I just love going home and seeing them. I am also excited to have a party tomorrow night. So thankful!

Abandon; Surrender

This last week or so, I have really been concentrating on the idea of abandonment and surrender. These words came to me from the song "The Stand" by Hillsong during prayer time at the CFL Wesley Leadership Retreat last weekend.  The lyrics really caught my attention.

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

The idea of abandoning my heart is one that I struggle with because I believe God has given my own heart, and abandoning it would be dishonoring Him. I think that, instead, God has given me His heart, and I need to abandon my own to embrace His. Similarly, surrendering my soul, my being, my self, is something that forces me to become more aligned with what God is doing inside of me. These are things that are completely difficult for me, but God is not concerned with that. Neither am I. John 3:30 comes to mind: He must become greater; I must become less.

Also, God taught me last weekend that growing is not about becoming more like yourself; it is not finding your own identity. God calls us to become more like Him; to follow Him. Certainly a revelation for me. I am a unique person, and that will still come out as I seek Him, follow Him, and strive for His will.

I really had a great weekend with old and new faces on the Leadership weekend, and God really showed me a lot. I even had possibly the best one-on-one "prayer and share" (copyright Jack Ladd, 2011) time with someone ever. I am excited to be interning over the next 6-7 months.

On a side note, we bottled and our first batch of beer this afternoon here at The Dugout. Here it is, with the first bottle in front. Should be ready to drink in 2 weeks.

Emory/NC week

Last Wednesday morning Bobby, Hudson, and I drove up to Atlanta to go visit Greg and see Emory in town. We visited downtown that night, then went to Shoguns and to visit Emory. I really liked the campus. Every building is made of granite or marble and the campus is quite beautiful. I could definitely picture myself being there, even if it would require a major adjustment from UCF. Here are some of the pictures of the campus.

After the visit, we headed up to Aubrey's cabin in Penrose, NC and spent the rest of the week there with 9-10 other friends. It was a really good week. I really did enjoy spending time away with people that I love being with. I also enjoyed hanging out with new people, I think that was the highlight of my trip. I just love meeting new people and spending time getting to know them. This trip really reminded me that I have a family of friends that are a blessing to my life. We also prayed and worshiped together; we prayed for someone in need, and that was another highlight. This trip was also bittersweet. I know that I am going to move on later this year, and it made me a little sad to realize that. However, God is giving me time to spend with the people I love, and that is such a blessing. These next 7-8 months will be very meaningful to me. Here are some images from the time we spend in NC:

 

If you want to look at more of the beautiful pictures and my friends, here is my album on facebook: Emory/NC